he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Randomize
