what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
