You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
