I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
