Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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