I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
