i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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