So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
