roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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