if you like me you must not know who I am
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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