I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
