My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
