dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
