So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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