I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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