she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
