Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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