no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
