It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
How drunk are you?
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