found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
