there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
