I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
