Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
