It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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