It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
