Kareoke will never be a sober sport
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I need a burrito and a hug.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
