Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
