dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
don't judge my taste in strippers
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
