By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
