nut hugger
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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