..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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