i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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