i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
