well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
