I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
