Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
