i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
