Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
