Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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