also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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