I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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