I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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