K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
