If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
