I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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