If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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