Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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