worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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