i just sent this text using only my big toe
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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