she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
