Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
